Today, I found out I'm a wizard and my parents sacrificed their lives to save me. FML
~Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Today, I faked my own death so I could be with the man I love. He didn't get the memo and actually killed himself because of me. FML
~Romeo and Juliet
Today, I realized I'm in love with the man I've been bitching about to everyone I know. FML
~Pride and Prejudice
Today, I was trying to be nice to this big ugly kid in school because he gets picked on, only to find out later that he's actually my brother. FML
~Percy Jackson and the Olympians: Sea of Monsters
Today, I was messing around with this married chick. Long story short, she's knocked up. I'm her Reverend. FML
~The Scarlet Letter
Today, I invested my father's insurance check in a sure-thing business venture. Turns out, when a cat takes off with your money, he don't leave no map. FML
~A Raisin in the Sun
Today, I was helping some girl bust up a chiffarobe... that is until she told everyone that I raped her. FML
~To Kill a Mockingbird
Today, I was out fishing when I caught the hugest fish EVER. On the way in to shore sharks ate the entire fish. FML
~The Old Man and the Sea
Today, I was accused of witchcraft. I know I'm innocent so I let some men search my house. All was well until they spied that damn poppet. FML
~The Crucible
Today, I found out that everyone I have been close to since my "accident" has cancer. Everyone blames me. FML
~Watchmen
Today, It's a huge secret that my husband and I killed the king... turns out I talk in my sleep. FML
~Macbeth
Today, I was caught hoarding books...unfortunately books are illegal... even more unfortunately the mechanical hound has my scent. FML
~Fahrenheit 451
Today, I had to pretend that I was cheating on my lover so she could escape the horrible life of an invert. Now I'm doomed to be forever lonely. FML
~The Well of Loneliness
Today, I found out the secret diary I've been keeping is actually a chunk of the dark lord's soul. FML
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Today, I ended up on an island with a fellow hunter... too bad he was only interested in hunting me. FML
~The Most Dangerous Game
Today, I learned that it is impossible to get a pound of flesh without spilling any blood. FML
~The Merchant of Venice
Today, I found out that my friend's diamond necklace I lost was fake. Great! except I wish I hadn't spent all that money replacing it with a real one... FML
~The Necklace
Today, I won the lottery! Then got stoned to death. FML
~The Lottery
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