Today, my fiance decided it would be a good idea to wear a black veil around all the time... he won't even take it off for me. FML

Today, I stole a man's wife then killed him when he attacked me. Now there is a mysterious black bobcat that is stalking me... FML

Today, my husband killed my canary... the only thing that made me happy in this world. FML... no, on second thought.. F HIS L
Today, I gave a mouse a cookie. FML
~Submitted by Jessica J.
Comment on this post to submit your own FMyLiterature moments today!
Today, I found out I'm a wizard and my parents sacrificed their lives to save me. FML

Today, I faked my own death so I could be with the man I love. He didn't get the memo and actually killed himself because of me. FML

Today, I realized I'm in love with the man I've been bitching about to everyone I know. FML

Today, I was trying to be nice to this big ugly kid in school because he gets picked on, only to find out later that he's actually my brother. FML

Today, I was messing around with this married chick. Long story short, she's knocked up. I'm her Reverend. FML

Today, I invested my father's insurance check in a sure-thing business venture. Turns out, when a cat takes off with your money, he don't leave no map. FML

Today, I was helping some girl bust up a chiffarobe... that is until she told everyone that I raped her. FML

Today, I was out fishing when I caught the hugest fish EVER. On the way in to shore sharks ate the entire fish. FML

Today, I was accused of witchcraft. I know I'm innocent so I let some men search my house. All was well until they spied that damn poppet. FML

Today, I found out that everyone I have been close to since my "accident" has cancer. Everyone blames me. FML

Today, It's a huge secret that my husband and I killed the king... turns out I talk in my sleep. FML

Today, I was caught hoarding books...unfortunately books are illegal... even more unfortunately the mechanical hound has my scent. FML

Today, I had to pretend that I was cheating on my lover so she could escape the horrible life of an invert. Now I'm doomed to be forever lonely. FML

Today, I found out the secret diary I've been keeping is actually a chunk of the dark lord's soul. FML

Today, I ended up on an island with a fellow hunter... too bad he was only interested in hunting me. FML

Today, I learned that it is impossible to get a pound of flesh without spilling any blood. FML

Today, I found out that my friend's diamond necklace I lost was fake. Great! except I wish I hadn't spent all that money replacing it with a real one... FML

Today, I won the lottery! Then got stoned to death. FML

~~~~~~~~~~ Guest Submissions ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, I found out my best friend is sleeping with my wife. Oh and I have to go fight to the death with my son, whom I had with my sister. FML ~Submitted by Jarod G.

Today, I found out that I have to go back in time and procreate with myself if I want to exist. FML ~Submitted by Jarod G.

Today, my friend got me really drunk, chained me up in some catacombs, and buried me alive. FML ~Submitted by Jarod G.

Today, my wavering and inconstant mother hath slept with mine own Uncle Claudius, the usurper King of Denmark! O, what to do? FML. ~Submitted by Jan M.

I am cursed with obedience. If someone told me to chop off my own head I would have to do it. FML. ~Submitted by Megan S.

My uncle went off to live with the elves and left me a ring. The one ring. FML
~Submitted by Megan S.